hello all,

i want to say again thank you all for listening it really is helping. but im back with more frustrations and fighting my depression.

i took the advice of my brother and some of the cool people of this site,when i shared that i wanted to get my bankruptcy out of the way and that i have ad a long life dream of riding motorcycles (i.e. a harley-davidson). especially since my fiance of 3 yrs has decided to split and do her own thing. i feel relieved thats she's going because i can finally focus on me and one day find someone who really cares about me,and not have someone's family trying to tell me how to live and everything ALWAYS being about them.

so what i have done, i signed up to take a motorcyle riders course at a local harley dealership since my own father who rides bikes said that i'm foolish for wanting a bike and that he doesnt have the time to teach me how to ride,that I JUST THINK I WANT TO RIDE BIKES and those are actually his words. now what kind of parent says that to his kids is beyond me but thats another story.

now this is where my depression and possibly anxiety comes in. i work a temporary job that they've finally opened up hiring for and i'm on the list to get interviewed. but these people at this company are very picky and meticulous. my brother works full time at this company as well as several of his church members all who know who i am. and alot of the guys who were hired from temp to permanent ,all have shared there stories on the horror of the hiring process, ow you have disclose ever infraction you've had in your adult life and even childhood. and i didnt go through this type of scrutiny in joing the military and another goverment job i once had. its not like im building nuclear materials. and i understand each company has different standards but im a good worker that has been there on time and done what has been asked of me. but im wondering if all that i've been told about the hiring process was to scare me or what??? because im told that if you dont hear anything after your interviews and background checks to not ask about your status in the process if you do that will disqualify you and that they want tell you why you havent been chosen or what not. and that makes me weary to say the least. i just feel if i apply and i feel im a very good candidate,atleast you can tell me where i stand so if im not what you want in an employee, i can move on and find something because i have a dream and a goal for this year. and its like alot is hanging in the balance. i was hanging around bikers this weekend of all walks of life and for the 1st time i felt welcomed around a group of people and i dont want that to fade due to thinking negative and all that... i dont want to be depressed anymore i found something that i feel great about. and its like every time i do find someting that makes me happy it ends up on the backburner. so thats what i have going on. am i the only one that goes through this??? am i alone in feeling the way that i do. i really want to do something for me for a change and not putting others 1st. i hope that god is watching over me and listening. i just want to be happy. and not get down so much.

and if any of you are wondering if i have something on my background that maybe a red flag to these company.. no, im not a felon by any means. but they pick at any issue they may find and give you no idea as to what may make them pick you or not and thats why im paranoid..