I am on Welbutrin and zyprexa and this is the least depressed winter I can remember... OK, that's good... everyone seems to like that... but then they stop there.
I have gained some 20lbs... a side effect of the meds. Don't like it but I'll deal. However... I have NO impulse control... like none! I spent almost half of my income this month on new clothes... whole new wardrobe... I did need a couple new pairs of pants because of the meds. I in no way needed more clothes though. Now I am holding my breath praying that some checks don't clear before the first of next month while still thinking about buying this really cute horse I saw on craigs list... WTF! have I lost my mind???? I have no patience with my son and snap really quick (no abuse but bad parenting). With all the yelling and cussing the dog and two cats that can hear are in hiding.I've started horseback riding lessons and have signed up as a volunteer at the zoo. bought a second digital camera (DSLR... not the less expensive point and shoots). Spent a couple hundred on educational materials to use with my son but am too agitated to use them with him. I am isolating from friends (IRL and PC) and a few are mad at me but I am not sure why... at this point I assume given how crazy I am acting that it is somehow justified.

T and Pdoc both did the same thing... "are you sleeping?"... yes... "then don't worry about it you aren't manic". Was crying to massage T last week that all I want is to be content and it doesn't ever seem to happen on the zyprexa. tried lowering the dose (with permission from Pdoc) but became really depressed.

I don't know... was I always too depressed to care enough to have to develop impulse control? is it depression? is it mania? is it parts?

Anyone have thoughts? I am feeling OK other than fat, scared about finances, and knowing that what ever is going on isn't right.

BTW... weight wise I am on the high end of acceptable on that BMI thingie... off meds I just barely weigh enough to be healthy for my height. So it is not totally a distortion in how I am seeing myself. Pdoc blew me off when I said if I go above healthy for my height on BMI I am off the med. Dunno... don't think I have an eating disorder or a distorted self image...