zyprexa makes you gain weight like crazy! i think there was a lawsuit. my friend who went on it for bipolar gained like 40 pounds. during the year i didn't see her, to the time i saw her again, i barely recognized her! maybe you can ask your dr to change to another antipsychotic: abilify, geodon, risperidal are all meds i've tried for depresson/anxiety and none of them had weight effects.

for wellbutrin, i lost about 20 pounds on it and got a taste of what it is like for people to think you're anorexic. i also had to buy a new wardrobe too... then the expense of buying a new one when i went off it. don't beat yourself up. think of it as keeping up with fashion!

for not being taken seriously.... geez that sucks. many of the things you talked about (volunteer, horseback lessons) sound really wonderful and enriching.. i am jealous (do you live in an area where people keep horses?). but for other things, like snapping at loved ones, i can see how distressing that is, i've been there and it's very frustrating to deal with. i hope you can resist the urge to hide. who knows how many people miss you right now?

my only advice is try not to be too hard on yourself! most people stumble and never even notice. if you want to develop more "impulse control" as you've said here... well, that is not like some character defect to be impulsive. maybe you're trying to add new things to your life right now. please take it in to your care team and maybe they can help you figure out a way to do that wihtout feeling bad...