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(JD) · Feb 20, 2011, 01:30 PM

I surely do understand not allowing emails--at least for the time being--but question as to why she's allowed them until now.

To me, this isn't about T but about you.

You need to have this discussion with her, whether you are going to continue to see her or not. IMO you are at the juncture of finding out if you can trust this T or not, and may be using cognitive distortions (irrational thinking) to prevent yourself from going back just so you don't have to disclose anything "hurtful" to her.

That's not hurtful to T, but to you. You might be using this as a defense mechanism to keep from healing. Perhaps not on purpose but unconsciously; it could be one of the ways you used to try and keep yourself "safe" in the past.

You have shared that you have been seeing her over a year now, and yet she still can't help you. I think you also shared, to me what I read, is why: you aren't talking to her! Ts are not mindreaders. You need to get this stuff out in the open, and beginning with how you feel about this latest incident is a good start.

You can copy this thread and mail it to her, if you wish, to help get it out into the open. I'll bet she'd very much like to discuss it with you.

Don't throw away the year + that you have tried to open up, just when you may be on the cusp of doing so! Therapy is hard work, and now's the time when you need to let your T in on your thinking, and begin to heal.

We're all here to help you...give your PC friends a nod.