It sounds like you were raised in a very unvalidating environment which probably contributed to your bpd. I can relate to how you feel with 20 different emotions in any given day. Have you heard of DBT therapy? It is the prefered therapy for bpd and it is very helpful and can help you to learn coping strategies so you are not harming yourself. I think this forum actually has a DBT section so you may want to check it out. Good luck.