I went to the Dr. the other day for a surgical follow up and x-ray. And the more I think about it the more it bothers me. He showed me the x-ray and the area with the most damage to my lung, he explained to me all the work that had to be done to save me. He showed me that I was 1cm away from hitting a main artery. He said those that do hit that artery have 0 chance of survival. I wanted to cry, it was a real big eye opener. The surgery I had he said is one of the most extensive surgeries done at that hospital. I still can't remember a lot that happened that day so I could not answer some of his questions, but it just amazes me that I made it and I could not thank him enough. But then another part of me is not really happy I made it, I have that sad depressive side of me that is just pissed off to still be here. Why did I not die? This is what I know I have to work on. It is a challenge for me right now and until I get my meds correct it makes it even harder.