I realize this is a very sensitive and complicated subject. I'm sorry if this happened to you or any other woman and yes, rape can happen between a married couple or partners but there's different forms. I don't want to step on anyones toes here so I'll try to stick with your situation. When your hubby insisted to have sex after child birth before you were healed - yes this was wrong.

I don't think your husband is intentionally trying to hurt you like other cases of marital rape though. You mentioned you have a hard time setting boundaries and saying no - I think this has complicated and blurred the boundaries to the point your husband is very confused. He has strong needs and has become used to you not fully being present during sex -he's learned to shut that part off and in the process this situation has become uncomfortable for you.

I suggest you write him a letter and come up with a clear sign that you'll give when you don't want sex and a clear sign when you do. Basically he needs to ask and be given permission. You need to use your voice and say "no" and he needs to respect that.

I'm sure you're getting help with your therapist with this issue and I hope you're still able to be intimate with your husband. I think it must be a bit confusing for him because he has desire, but never knows if you're ready. He's also become used to getting his needs met even though you're not enjoying it.

I know there are some terrible violent rapes that can happen to committed couples but I don't think your husband is one of those men. I think you should get into couples sex therapy so you can be the loving partner again in your marriage.