It sounds like you are doing so much to take care of yourself so you should be VERY proud of yourself for that. Great job!

I think your friends will be more understanding...I have friends who have seen me through some "crazy" times....and stuck with me through everything....that's what true friends do, even when I wasn't the best friend to them. When you are ready you can start talking to them about what was going on then, and what is going on now.

As far as your ex...i had one of those too...we were very young and i waited quite a few years before I contacted him to apologize...I knew we weren't getting back together, but I did want him to know I felt badly for my behavior and that i wasn't like that anymore...i sent him an email and he responded and told me he forgave me.

Bottom line, take care of yourself first which you seem to be doing.