Quote:
Originally Posted by IceCreamKid
I hope this feedback is helpful to you. When I read your post I thought of someone I know. She would say and do things that she wanted to say and do, and when those things drew poor reactions from others, she would become upset. It was my opinion she was a very angry person, and in deep denial of her anger, and that she was extremely passive-aggressive, and her passive-aggression frequently came out in saying unkind things to others; but that she was in deep denial they were unkind. But my opinion didn't really matter; and I don't think it is a matter or having autism or Asperger's or any other mental health condition: it's a fact of life: every action has a reaction, and you are discovering that the things you say draw a reaction. As others have posted, some people found you amusing. Others did not. Because you control what comes out of your mouth (we can think whatever we like; thank goodness no one hears what doesn't pass our lips) you can control to a great extent the reaction you get. You now know that people are sensitive about how babies are referred to, and I think you sense that baby showers are somewhat ritualized, in that people who attend them generally go with the tacit understanding that everyone is nice and all babies are nice and isn't this fun (and nice)? I like babies, but despise baby showers, so I don't attend the parties, because I can't join in wholeheartedly with the 'fun.' I hope you have found this feedback helpful.
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Thank you for your response......
I am not quite sure why I found myself being "concerned" with this post, but it exists nonetheless......
I ask kindly of you not to place me in with people who have anger issues and consciuosly or unconsciously wish to antagonise. I am not saying that in some situations I do not become antagonistic but that is usually to do with the fact that someone has gone out of their way to "rile" me up, to get some kind of reaction from the autistic person as facial expression is often lacking on my part. People do not know when I am hurt, distressed or uncomfortable unless they know what signs to look for. Believe me I have been on the blunt end of extremely abusive behaviour because I would not react the way that a person would "normally" react to certain situations. It can be quite terrifying.
The other thing is that I live by a very strict set of social rules that I have adhered to since I was a child. It was a set of rules to "survive" by and they have carried me through my 37 years of life, but they only work best when I have ALL my faculties at my disposal. I could no sooner have stopped what came out of my mouth than flown to the moon because I was wrapped up in the circumstances, and not the outcome of said thing. What I said was not said in humour (even though the visual I got was funny), it was said in context of the type of clothing, if you get my meaning.
I am also quite aware that every action has a reaction, whether it be positive or negative. What was distressing fundamentally was not the reaction of others, it is the deep seated dismay I had with MYSELF that I did not acknowldege the warning signs of cognitive storms and a complete lack of "censorship" and act accordingly. If I could describe to you what I go through cognitively in situations like that on a good day, you might find yourself astounded. NOTHING I do or say comes for free or without monitoring, especially around strangers. My friends though are cool with my "special and heart-warming eccentricities".
I do apologise if I do come across as particularly caustic in this case, but after a lifetime of mist, confusion and abject terror, it can make me extremely cynical at times when people try and compare my situation with something completely different. It makes me feel defensive, ipso facto, the tone of this reply. But you are right, baby showers are not fun. My mate was really happy that I came though.
Michah