Quote:
Originally Posted by (JD)
 I surely do understand not allowing emails--at least for the time being--but question as to why she's allowed them until now. 
To me, this isn't about T but about you. You need to have this discussion with her, whether you are going to continue to see her or not. IMO you are at the juncture of finding out if you can trust this T or not, and may be using cognitive distortions (irrational thinking) to prevent yourself from going back just so you don't have to disclose anything "hurtful" to her.
That's not hurtful to T, but to you. You might be using this as a defense mechanism to keep from healing. Perhaps not on purpose but unconsciously; it could be one of the ways you used to try and keep yourself "safe" in the past.
You have shared that you have been seeing her over a year now, and yet she still can't help you. I think you also shared, to me what I read, is why: you aren't talking to her! Ts are not mindreaders. You need to get this stuff out in the open, and beginning with how you feel about this latest incident is a good start.
You can copy this thread and mail it to her, if you wish, to help get it out into the open. I'll bet she'd very much like to discuss it with you.
Don't throw away the year + that you have tried to open up, just when you may be on the cusp of doing so! Therapy is hard work, and now's the time when you need to let your T in on your thinking, and begin to heal.
We're all here to help you...give your PC friends a nod.  |
JD i so wish i could say i am on the cusp of being able to open up but i really an as closed down as i have ever been.i really am scared of her.even if i did go see her i would not be able to speak at all.how would this help.i really did try to talk to her even if it was just to say ok if she asked how i was
i dont think i am using my inability to talk as a way to keep myself from healing.although my T said she thinks that i am scared things will change
i do know that i cant handle feeling as bad as i did monday.much more.
IDK.it just all feels bad and yucky and humiliating and all i want to do these days is hide