This turned out longer than I intended... sorry.

Sometimes it happens that I have an appt scheduled for myself or my son and I cancel the same day I am supposed to be there. I lie to cover the truth which is I feel so overwhelmed that I cannot manage to take a shower or even get out of my pajamas to real clothes.

In the summer of 2010 my grandmother died and my son and I went to the viewing the evening before her funeral but the next day her funeral was at 11am and I could not make myself get out of bed. I missed out on seeing some relatives from out of town because they went to my mom's house for lunch after the funeral.

Friday, two days ago, my aunt (my favorite aunt) died and I was on the road travelling to the school of dentistry for my appointment. My dad called my son and home and my son called my cell and I proceeded with the appointment because it was part of my student's board exams that he needed to graduate this spring. So everything was fine Friday and Saturday. I got home late Saturday and called dad to get detail of the funeral plans. My cousin owns the funeral home and he already had two funerals scheduled Monday so he had to delay my aunt's funeral until Tue. That was good for me since I had been travelling and my son and I would have to drive two hours to the funeral home.

So today (Sunday) I woke up and didn't want to get out of bed even though I woke up at 6am. I stayed in bed until 2pm and then started looking for clothes that my son and I could wear to a funeral. I found a skirt and sweater and my boots and I found a pair of nice pants and a shirt for my son. I figured we would wear the same outfit both days. I could not find my son's belt and shoes. So I asked him if he would like to go down town to Macy's later today and get a belt and some dinner. He agreed and I went back to bed. Neither he nor I really wanted to go so we didn't. I stayed in bed all day until about 8pm when I finally went to the Burger King drive through still in my pajamas and brought home burgers for my me and my son.

So tomorrow is Monday and the viewing is from 4-8pm. I still need to buy my son some shoes and a belt. I also need to go to the florist and buy a flower arrangement. I looked at FTD online and there was nothing in my price range.

I know that when tomorrow arrives I will still want to stay in bed. My son doesn't really want to go but he said he would go because he knew if he didn't my dad would judge me for it. He is right. Part of me wants to go to the funeral because it is something I want to do but my dad, his wife, my aunt's family, all of them will expect for me to be there. Somehow when I am expected to be present I find it so hard to simply get out of bed. My energy just goes.

I even had my son feed my horse tonight because it was too hard to get out of bed even for my beloved horse.

Any suggestions on how to get out of bed and do simple tasks when I am overwhelmed and just want to hide under the covers?