Friends made fun of me again. It's so hard to say no when you want to smoke. I'm just going to type and get it out. I was 12 years old (4 years ago) and my mom's boyfriend was deported to Mexico. I lived in the same apt my whole life, I had never lived somewhere else. I got the news we're moving to Mexico.. I knew it was coming, my mom is a grown teenager and would never tell her boyfriend no. We moved down a few months later.. It was so different, nothing was in English and I couldn't talk to anyone. It was me and my mom and her boyfriend. He spoke Spanish and very bad English. I don't see what my mom saw in him. A year goes by and I think of ways I could do it. Ways to end the live that's to hard to bare. I moved in with my grandma, it helped me so much for the longest time. Then that greed came in and I wanted to smoke, I met new friends. Everything was going good and then I was caught with a pipe and a dub.. I was went to Mexico to live with my mom again.. It was worse, all the feelings came back but now we were broke. I was eating a meal a day of rice and beans. I felt poor, I felt like nobody wanted to help me and I was stupid for getting caught. My mom and her boyfriend were always arguing. Then I found a suicide letter(s) to all our family that my mom wrote. The boyfriend treated us like ****, he knew we couldn't leave and we were stuck. I was so mad. I wanted to cause him so much pain. I knew I couldn't harm myself tho, I couldn't leave my mom alone with him. Now I'm out of Mexico and everything was great. I met new friends again tho and they made fun of me.. My girlfriend broke up with me on valentine's day and said she never got over the guy before me. I knew it was going to happen, it was an agreement between both of us but it still hurt. Friends got me high again and they were explaining my whole story to me when I was high. I want this to be over and I know it all happens because of the weed. I always ruin my life. I want this to end. I want life to stop hurting and I feel like a wussy for having my feelings now come out but I hope this will be good for me. I want to get help, I want to do better. But is this life worth living? I'm 16 years old and all this has happened already, what else could go wrong? It's only going to get worse. I want to tell people but I feel like I'm ranting to them and that they don't want to hear it. I feel like this is Mexico again and I can't talk to anyone but now it's because they choice to not listen to me.