You know what I think? I think this is a tough issue for you. The weight, every time it is brought up, it hurts you . It's like your psychic wound and everyone keeps poking at it when you're trying to heal it. 
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“In depression . . . faith in deliverance, in ultimate restoration, is absent. The pain is unrelenting, and what makes the condition intolerable is the...feeling felt as truth...that no remedy will come -- not in a day, an hour, a month, or a minute. . . . It is hopelessness even more than pain that crushes the soul.”-William Styron
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