I think it is different for everyone...for me...I have always been a burden to my parents growing up. my mom had me by mistake when she was 40...my sister was the first child...she attempted suicide for many reasons...one being my parents were to young and got pregnant before marriage...they didn't know how to raise a kid...I was a financial burden...my mom told me she could ahve had an abortion but she was a good mom and didn't. whenever my siblings don't get along with me...my dad says I am killing my mom by doing that

my mom cannot see others happy...it makes her unhappy...so if I am doing well...she gets bummed out ebcause she wants what I have...youth and no responsibility.

basically...she doens't want to be a mom anymore...and now I rely on my bf and his parents to be protected and loved...and to be honest...they do a much ebtter job of it. I feel if I am not perfect...or if there is something wrong with me...I can't be loved...

my ex bfs were abusive to me...I haven't relaly known what love is until I met my current bf.

In school I was always bullied...I had crushed on my male teachers because they seemed to care...I saw them as father figures.

I never had a safe place or people to go to...I became very isolated and took care of myself if no one else was going to do that job....I am much happier now separating myself from my parents..and family who abuse me...and take me for granted.

but I sitll ahve problems that keep me from having a normal, healthy, happy life.

my past seems more like a nightmare rather than a reality...

to be honest....this is ahrd to admit to myself...but I don't feel love for my parents...and I feel ashamed of this...I dunno what it feels like to love a parent....can anyone explain this feeling to me??