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Originally Posted by myoasis89
I think it is different for everyone...for me...I have always been a burden to my parents growing up. my mom had me by mistake when she was 40...my sister was the first child...she attempted suicide for many reasons...one being my parents were to young and got pregnant before marriage...they didn't know how to raise a kid...I was a financial burden...my mom told me she could ahve had an abortion but she was a good mom and didn't. whenever my siblings don't get along with me...my dad says I am killing my mom by doing that
my mom cannot see others happy...it makes her unhappy...so if I am doing well...she gets bummed out ebcause she wants what I have...youth and no responsibility.
basically...she doens't want to be a mom anymore...and now I rely on my bf and his parents to be protected and loved...and to be honest...they do a much ebtter job of it. I feel if I am not perfect...or if there is something wrong with me...I can't be loved...
my ex bfs were abusive to me...I haven't relaly known what love is until I met my current bf.
In school I was always bullied...I had crushed on my male teachers because they seemed to care...I saw them as father figures.
I never had a safe place or people to go to...I became very isolated and took care of myself if no one else was going to do that job....I am much happier now separating myself from my parents..and family who abuse me...and take me for granted.
but I sitll ahve problems that keep me from having a normal, healthy, happy life.
my past seems more like a nightmare rather than a reality...
to be honest....this is ahrd to admit to myself...but I don't feel love for my parents...and I feel ashamed of this...I dunno what it feels like to love a parent....can anyone explain this feeling to me??
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No one is a mistake, and your NOT one either! I don't know why parents can be so f-ed up. And for a kid to have to find their way of that emotional muck is equally messed up. I have tons of issues myself but as I grow older I am getting so sick of what I have been through that I want changes now.
I understand you about the bad relationships. Bad relationships were my down fall and a product of my self hatred, low self esteem and social anxiety and my current one is coming to a grinding halt as soon as I can get ahold of my bf because he is away at college and is always unavailable these days.
But to you answer you question what does it feel like to love a parent? Well I love my mom but not my dad (I have serious father issues). I guess to love my mom feels great I don't know if it has a feeling so much as just something that's a natural part of me. Its something I don't think about because it is so effortless. She's a nice lady who cares about her children that happens to be married to a cold hearted, uninvolved, mean, unloving man who had neglected their relationship and the relationship with his children.
It's a shame and its obvious that lack of a father daughter relationship has effected me and my sisters each in diff ways. As I'm an adult my dad is still pretty uninvolved and cold but not very mean.
I hope you will be able to detach yourself from the pain of your past and have a great future. Its great you have your bf and his family to look out for you. Just remember to give back and look out for them equally as they do for you.
Trust me giving back is key. I know my bf has taken and taken from me and gives very little and he doesn't understand that he must give back too.
Anyway take care and good luck