I come here for various reasons, some very personal and selfish. Attempting to slow or stop brain atrophy and the onset of Alzheimer's disease or another form of dementia is one reason.

Despite being told I am grandiose, some of my therapists have suggested I may be able to help others by talking about the decisions I made early on that have made change for me so difficult. The clear implication is that the wounds I now feel at times have been self-inflicted. Refusing to change deepened the pit of despair for me. No doubt, those who are better able to adapt to change usually are happier.

One of the decisions was to avoid letting others know who I am. My experience with opening up has played are large role in the shame I feel. I generally do not have a difficult time talking about life experiences. Stating my perception of what happened, however, is not the same as being vulnerable. Being more vulnerable is another reason I come here. I have not made much progress.

Throughout my childhood and perhaps to a lesser extent today, I have rebelled against authority that administers sanctions capriciously. To have been dealt with harshly as a child for stepping over a line I had no reason to know was there brought out the abiding anger that still plagues me.

Am I a healthier person for coming here? Perhaps. Then again, I often am in trouble.