Well, I don't feel terribly depressed and I sure am not having a high...I feel...nothing. Everything is a major effort. Christmas was very pleasant and peaceful but now I'm just existing.

The last few days I've gotten out of bed, eaten "something" (I won't call some of what I've eaten breakfast), fed my cat, taken my morning meds and gone back to bed. I've been in bed so long that my body is aching but I still want to go seek refuge there with a book and sleep.

There are some activities this week that ordinarily I would be looking forward to, but now they all seem like a chore.

Current meds: 100 mg Zoloft (pdoc wants me on 200 mg but he and T. also say that the SSRI's really don't do much for Bipolar and I hate being on all these meds so since I've been on 100 mg of Zoloft for years I just take that...not sure if that makes any huge difference or not); 500 mg Depakote; 150 mg Wellbutrin SR 3x a day (pdoc says take 2 in the morning and 1 in the evening - pharmacist scared me when I first began taking just 2 a day saying they have to be taken at least 10 hours apart...so a bit concerned about taking 2 at a time, but that's what pdoc said); and continuing to increase the Lamictal - right now on 25 mg daily.

I know I should try to get outside, do something fun, whatever, but it's like my feet are nailed to the floor.

Another thing is, I've been going to bed to read at like 7-8 pm and end up falling asleep for the night, so I've missed my evening meds (the Depakote and Lamictal and third dose of Wellbutrin) a few times over the last 7 days or so. Could that contribute to this?

Mainly wanted to see what others have done in an apathetic state and how you got out of it.

I'm also feeling like there's no way I can return to my current job and then I would have to pay back the employer's portion of the health insurance they paid during my disability and I have no $ to do that. (Ok, guess that topic should be a separate post, but it's something weighing on my mind and possibly adding to my current "frozen" mode.

Ok, going back to bed now.


~An optimist is someone who doesn't yet have all the facts~