Quote:
Originally Posted by Leed
I had a rotten childhood as well. There were 4 of us kids - our parents were both alcoholics. All four of us were ignored. We got NO parenting. We were NEVER told "I love you" - we NEVER got hugs, no pats on the back, no one told us "good for you" when we got good grades, NOTHING. We never had a curfew. We just brought ourselves up. We had to -- there wasn't anyone else to do it. They were either out somewhere getting drunk, or else at home doing it. Plus they had horrible fights -- physical fights. It terrorized us. So all 4 of us suffer from depression.
I think I'm the only one that went into therapy. I guess I was the hardest hit by all of it. I had an awful time dealing with life -- so guess what I did -- I became an alcoholic myself!!  It does run in families, ya know. I drank heavily for 20 years - and then had enough. I went to AA and got sober -- and have been sober almost 18 years.
But I never fulfilled my dreams either. My life didn't end up the way I had thought it would. I got married right out of High School (no, I didn't HAVE to) because I wanted to get out of the house -- and my parents couldn't send me to college. I had a good job too - I didn't start having kids for 3 years, when I had my son. then 5 yrs later I had my daughter. I stayed married for 26 years. All thru that time, I too didn't realize how much my childhood was being carried along with me. At one point I committed myself to a mental ward in a hospital cause I was concerned for MY safety. I spent 2 wks there, and my shrink made me write a letter to my mother - telling my mother exactly how I felt about my childhood -- and she made me MAIL it!! You know what my mother wrote back??? She said "We didn't know those silly fights affected you kids." WHAT??? What did she expect? For us to party while they're trying to kill each other?
Anyway - that helped me to realize something -- that my "abusers" gave me what they were given. They can't give ME love if THEY weren't given any.
There might be something similar in your childhood. Perhaps your parents didn't give you something because they didn't have it to give. Or perhaps they abused you because THEY were abused. Things like this seem to follow generations -- until one generation puts a stop to it. I put a stop to the Non-loving. My kids were deluged with love -- and now my daughter is showering love on HER daughter. So we stopped the negligence! Perhaps there's something that YOU can stop so that this "abuse" or negligence won't be passed on. 
Your life can't be a big disappointment because you STILL have PLENTY of time left.  People get married too young - and then it ends up in divorce court. People have children too young -- and then the children have problems because they were raised by children. I wish I was your age again ~ I sure would do things differently. You are much more aware than I was - you're much more mature than I was. I'm still pretty darn naive.  I think you'll be fine - and have a good life. I'm gonna keep my eye on you. LOL Hugs, Lee
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Thankyou so much for all that Lee and for telling me you're gonna keep an eye on me
makes me feel better to have someone like that.
And I'm so sorry you went through so much of your own stuff and your life didn't turn out the way you wanted it to. I'm also sorry that I don't know what else to say as you're much elder and wiser to me, and I am not sure how to give comfort for life not turning out the way one wants, as I myself am still struggling with it.
I guess when you say that abusers didn't give you because they didn't get it themselves, I understand what you're saying and I've tried thinking of it in that way. What bothers me is that why did I deserve this? I was a child and innocent, its not like karma was trying to hit me in the face, then why me? Yeah, i think that's the prime question that hits my head. Also, whenever I see something wrong with me, I get angry at the people in my past for not holding up to their responsibilities and teaching me the right thing. For ex: i'm depressed, I get angry at my abuser, my parents and everyone in my childhood because I feel if so much of abuse wouldn't have been there, i wouldn't be this way... not sure if that's a bad way of thinking..