So sorry you are having such a rough time, Sami! It does sound very crowded in your apartment. Do you have a little corner to yourself, where you can write in a journal? That might help you vent and let out some of your anger and frustration. Or write here--that works too, but you can't get as long-winded and specific as you can in a private journal. Maybe blog in a password-protected file on your computer, so no one can access it and you can keep your thoughts private.

Your mother probably doesn't know how to do any better--maybe your grandmother didn't do very well by her and that is all she knows. Some of my personal traits that I despise come from behavior learned from my mother. Doesn't excuse her--you are trying to learn and do better, which is great. It's her shortcoming that she was not able to do better by you. I took a long time developing a good relationship with my mother. It's more of a superficial relationship--I try to have an activity or something when I go to see her, and keep the visit short so we get along and everything is pleasant. Plus I don't expect much of her anymore. So I think I can relate a bit to what you are going through. I never had to help my mother pay her expenses, but I earned money for my clothes and spending money when I was in school and saved for college too.

My heart goes out to you--write again and let us know how you are doing.

H