i was youngest of 5,2 brothers 2 sisters ,catholic school etc. i havent seenthem since i was 9,i last saw my parentswhen i was21, bad mom she hated me ever since i was 4 calling me stupid ,damn dummy and hitting me with her knuckles on my head as i sat on a stool in front of a blackboard trying to do my addition tables ,from 4 on it got worse, i used to go to sleep crying every night asking god to take me to heaven,i nver spoke to her again after i moved to alaska,once maybe ,i always felt bad for dad ,i never said anything to anynoe how mom was to me ,he was a war hero and a pillar of a man ,now their dead ,im 51,my brothers and sisters have never tied to contact me,they all went to collage , i can only imagine what my mother must have told them about me ,i stopped going to mass when i wasabout 14-15 mad at god for making me , how do i go to church again ,how do i explain myself in confession,im alone,never had a lasting girlfriend,ashamed of being hated, by mom, family, no job now,i need asomeone to listen and give me perspective now.