My session this afternoon was disappointing. I was expecting to have an emotional one, but I was very flat. I did bring in my journal notes and read them to her. We discussed the events of last week and the whole ordeal about my daughter seeing her.

Of course, we talked about other things as well. We always talk about my relationship with my spouse and how I am doing being his caregiver. We talk about my social experiences and if I made an effort to connect with people. I should be quite pleased that we accomplished so much, but when I left, I felt totally empty and void. I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me.

Later on my daughter called to talk. I ended up asking her if she had really been serious about keeping her appointment this morning. Her response was, "Yes, mom. I know that I need to do this, but I don't want to mess up things for you."

It hit me right then why I was void of emotions today. I was harboring tremendous guilt for not wanting my daughter to see my therapist. After 10 years, she was finally reaching out for help and her own mother slammed the door in her face.

The reason I could not connect in therapy today was because deep inside I was thinking that my daughter should be sitting in that room, not me. This sent me into a crying hysteria. I cannot believe that I have done this to my own child.

I don't think I can go back next week, knowing what I have done. The right thing for me to do is give up my therapy and allow my child to heal. I have had such a wonderful experience, now I need to let her experience this as well.

In the other thread I mentioned that she had contacted another organization. She said that she didn't feel comfortable going to see someone that none of her family or friends could give a reference for. I don't blame her. Therapy is scary and it is so hard to take that first step. As of now, she has no plans to seek out therapy.

Guilt is overpowering me. She is only 28 years old and I don't want her wait until she is in her 40's to reach out for help again. This is what I did. My mother tried for years to get me into therapy. I was sick to death of hearing her say that every time I called her when I was having a melt down.

Looking back, I know that my mother was right. I would not be in the mess I am in now, if I had taken her advice. Now it is my turn to advise my child and help her. I cannot feel good about going to therapy knowing that my child is suffering because of my selfishness.

I am so sad. This guilt and shame are killing me. While I do not want to give therapy up, good mothers make sacrifices for their children. Sometimes we have to make hard decisions. This one is very hard for me to do. Giving up therapy feels like a death to me. I feel like my life line is being cut off. But how can I save my life, and allow my own child to drown?

Thank you for all of your support during this time. I feel very embarrassed right now. You worked so hard to get me through this. I feel like a failure and do not deserve the support you gave to me.