This was a brave post, I appreciate your honesty.
I agree a lot with how you described what you are feeling, I often have thoughts similar to that too. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
I have felt this way since childhood also, I felt like something was wrong with my body at an early age.
I justify my thoughts now by thinking 'I am sick, but no one can see it! Maybe if I was physically ill or injured people would have more sympathy, patience, understanding for me?'
I don't know if I am ready to take this topic up with my T yet, but I'll keep you posted if I get any answers.