these next two weeks are going to be hard, for reasons I don't want to get into much. I'm going to have to see both my abusers, for one thing...and there's something else triggering happening too.

I reached out to oldT about it last week and she responded, but in a sort of distant way. She's no longer my T, though she is there for support to a degree. She offers a bit of advice and encouragement, but not the deep emotional support I need right now. And she's hundreds and hundreds of miles away.

So, I got up the courage to contact newT, who doesn't know my whole story yet, and doesn't fully understand all these triggers yet. I held out contacting her because I just wasn't sure if she'd get it, you know? SO, I emailed and just told her it's going to be a rough week and I'm feeling unsteady. I told her I need something, but I don't know what.

She responded and said she's there for me and wants to help me feel less alone. But then she said "let me know what I can do for you."

And that's just it. I have NO idea. I want to tell her something. I want to accept some support, but what?

With old T, just hearing her voice is soothing. Seeing a handwritten note from her. Because there's a deep connection there built over years.

I don't find that comfort yet from new T. I want to feel it, I just don't much yet.

I'll be fine with no support. I'll make it through. But it would be nice to not feel so alone...