I'm tired. I'm tired of my life. I'm tired of being so alone and lonely. All I want to do is run away from here and be with my family. Why couldn't I find a job at home? Why was the only job I was able to find so far from home? Or was it that I was still too proud to take a job that was below my expectations for myself? Whatever it was I am just a wreck right now. I know I'm having a serious mixed episode right now too. I am fighting with everything I have to hold it together. My mind is racing for the first time in a long time. Part of me wants to go out and have fun but another part of me is begging me to crawl in bed and sleep and forget everything. All of me wants to be dead but even though I can think of countless ways to do it all of me also knows I will never do it. Or will I? I'm just so tired of it all. I miss my family.