Quote:
Originally Posted by peanutbutterisdandy
To myoasis89: I have been deeply moved by all of you posts on this thread. I share many similarities with you. I too feel like a burden to my bf, but he also takes care of me. I often am scared of doing anything on my own though. I am a full time college student, living at my mothers house and I am afraid to find a job because I am already stressed out with life. I want to go the therapy, but I don't have the money for it. This is why I seek support here in the internet. All the problem in my head make really strain my relationship, but I am fortunate that I finally found a man who is willing to stick with me. I have gone to couples counseling with him before on his insurance when he had it. I really liked it, and it helped me a lot! I was wondering if you know of any techniques that might help me cope? Thank you for being here.
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I understand what you are saying when you feel your emotions or moods affect the relationship for the worst. I can say that before I was diagnosed...and didn't know what my problem was...my moods had a deeply negative affect on my relationship at present and relationships in the past...and sitll do. It affects my relationship with my fmaily greatly as well...and they don't know that i have this problem...or are not willing to listen to my problems or try to understand. It was not until I told my bf that I had a problem...that everything started making sense to him. My arradic behaviour, anger, mood swings...he thought it was his fault. I made him cry on several occasions...something I am not proud of...ashamed actually...I also have been physically harmful to him and myself...something which I am veryy ashamed of. When these things happen...I feel I am completly out of control...when the actions happen I say..."who is this person, this is not me...I am a kind person...why is there this dark side to me. I don't deserve love." In actual fact i was isolated from the truth and my own identity. I was angry at myself...and had self hatred...I did these things to hurt myself.
Past relationships fell apart because it had a lot to do with my problem.
All I can say for advice is...please see a psychiatrist...it will be so worth it in the end. In Canada, I just need a referal from my doctor and I can see a psychiatrist for free because i ahve a medical card. I udnerstand in other countries this is not so easy...and not everyone's financial situation is the greatest...especially when you are a full time student. Even if you just pay for a few pyschiatrist appointments...it will help a great deal. save some money aside...justfor 1 or two appointments...in order to figure out what is exaclty wrong...a psychiatrist may also give you a discount because you are a full time student. They may also give you some coping methods on how to dela with your illness...or prescribe meds.
Couples counselling is one of the ebst things you can do to because I find it difficult to express my feelings in a way for my bf to udnerstand. My bf and I are going to try this. At universities, many of them offer free counselling with your full time school package...I would check out your university resources on counselling...That's where I first started when I had a problem.
Money may always be an issue...but youa re more important than material items. once you are able to cope better...life becomes much easier
PM me anytime if you ahve any questions or need support. I hope this helps with your situation...often support and udnerstanding are a necessary and major part of healing