My friend was upset, and after about 2 years of investing all my energy on a person who didn't care, I couldn't bring myself to feel anything more than awkward. I wanted to just turn it off, go away, I wanted to sleep and all I could think of was how I didn't wanna talk about his problems. I was having horrible selfish thoughts how I couldn't handle or take anyone but myself being upset.. I wanted that friend, who maybe isn't really my friend but a victim of my cruelty, to only be there for me right now, and I would get to his problems later.. But I put on the act anyway and pleaded with him to talk to me about what was troubling him. I didn't want to admit I was that selfish, but I believe I am now.

I feel like I just.. faded away. I would usually say I've broken and would usually say this happened about a month ago the when that person cast the final blow, but I was plenty emotional when that happened, I was angry, burning with rage. If I had broken as my dramatic mind sees it, I would have stopped everything there.. but instead since then it's died away slowly over the past month and took my ability to feel empathy and sorrow and happiness with it.