well its been a hard 3 1/2 months..i went to court on the 18th and managed to be strong enough to get up and read my victim impact statement...took every nerve i have,but i did it..after i got up and the councel spoke to the judge,,he asked my ex to stand and gave him a lecture,,he told him he needed help and said some things that were harsh but true,that made me feel good,,and obviously my ex was embarrased..i also found out some things about the case,,the death threat charges were dropped because he plead guilty to the other..the charge was not lessened,its still inditable..he also did not get a pardon,,the only person that had his record was his own lawyer,,for some reason the prosecuter could not find one,but when the judge asked about a record,his lawyer had to turn it over,,it is a very long and dangerous record...his psychiatrist that he started seeing after the assault sent a recommendation to the judge for him to be turned over to mental health court,,that means he will have to have regular treatments and appointments to follow,,he will have to go to detox for his marijuana use,,see a psychiatrist,go to programs,and follow very strict guidelines ,,if he breaks anything or does not attend anything he automatically get turned back over to regular court and he will be sentenced to prison for 2-5 years..there was a reporter in the court room frantically taking notes,,i did not notice him till after i got up and read my statement,,so this will be in the papers,,people will know how bad it was,,....im not sure how to feel about all of this,,i really do hope he gets help and learns to become a better person,,but i also feel like i dont have closure..the fear is still in me and im having such a hard time to move forward..my doc told me if i continue to isolate myself and live in the past i will never be able to live in the present and for the future,,he also recommended i attend a crisis councelling group that will teach me some skills..i dont know how to let go of the fear and the hurt...so im not sure what the heck im doing right now except living