You are not alone!! I've also always felt this way...and the more losses I suffer, the more I isolate myself. I completely understand how you are feeling. I'm new here too, and it is kinda hard to join in at first...feels like everyone has this big history with each other, and I feel like I'm intruding.

I don't know if this will help you at all, but I've found the more pressure I put on myself to make connections, the harder it is. What's worked for me is to tell myself - "this is something/someone I'm interested in. If it doesn't work out, then it doesn't work out, but I'd like to try." Sometimes all I can do is stand in the corner at an event, or just smile at someone else...but I'm learning that is okay, and it's a starting point.