inbloom, from what you have posted, you have a lot (a lot) in common with a lot (a lot) of people here. Which means you have found a great many friends who understand where you're coming from, and fight the same fight you do. I've always found them to be very generous to share their stories, and insights, which are invaluable, and I am betting they will be the same for you.

Part of the T's job, like a physical therapist, is to stretch you or have you stretch into the limits of your comfort zone... you may resent it, you may resist it, but at same time you know they do it for your good, and you cooperate when you can, as you can. How much that is varies from day to day. hang in there. And come on back and post away, there is someone here most any time.

PS - Granite is mistaken about not being useful or even liked at PC!! I like her a lot, and she is very generous to help others even when hurting.