Have you been able to ask your husband something like "Why are we married? Why are you married to me?". Will he talk at all about feelings and emotions?

Plenty of couples do live married but divorced, they present a reasonably public picture of being married but at home are distant roommates. It is an option, what is most important is the safety and well being of yourself and your children.

I divorced my husband when our son was young. It was a scary but ultimately very good decision. But I won't put anyone down for deciding to stay either.

Do you keep a journal? Along with the therapy you are in, seems like writing down your thoughts regularly might help. Even the pros and cons of your choices.

Best wishes!