I am just really bummed out (depressed) right now and needed to get it out somewhere... The friends I have aren't very supportive and my boyfriend would just get mad... So here I am...

I have been in 2 very serious relationships in my life and I am only 24... The first was for 5 years and the relationship that I am in now started a month after the last ended and we have been together for 4 years... Well over the years I have seen friends get married and have kids, no biggy to me, I was happy for them... I would say for the last year it has really bothered me all of a sudden... My best friend had a baby last year and another close friend of mine just had a baby, well I started thinking, I would like to start a family, but my problem there is that I don't think I can have kids... Well over the weekend 2 co-workers and close friends of mine got engaged, well it has really bothered me since... I am happy for both of them, they are both great people and a wonderful couple... My boyfriend and I have discussed it and looked at rings, but then he will talk as if he doesn't believe in marriage, my last boyfriend (who was married before) didn't want to get married again... So here I sit confused and beating myself up wondering what is so wrong with me that someone doesn't want to spend the rest of their life with me... Yeah, Yeah I'm still young, but I don't want anyone else in my life, I have thought long and hard about it and really I don't... I don't know, I am just lost and hurting deep down inside...

Ever since I was young I have always wanted what my parents have... They started dating in the 7th grade, they are now both 47, happily married and working togther... I want to have the love that they have, to grow old with someone... And I really believe that it is something I will never have... I just don't understand...

Sorry this is long, I had to get this off my chest somehow and had no where else to turn.