[Quote] "I. AM. FINE. Why can I not act like it? Why am I falling half way apart and yet staying together on the outside? Why can't I just flipping lose it already? That would be much kinder than the inbetween. I need to be able to breathe without feeling like its suffocating something inside of me. I need to be able to trust someone without fear. I need to be able to love people without it hurting so ****ing much."

I could not have said this portion better myself. Crazy on the inside and can't necessarily explain why even though there is a lot going on in my life, but put together on the outside, so when people look at me I'm "normal". Suffocating something inside. I have been this way most of my life. Not sure who to talk to or what. The scariest thing was I had a panic attack a few weeks back and thought I had pulled myself together, but my boss asked for the first time if I was okay. So, the outside is starting to crumble, but not completely yet.