In my last session I talked about how hurt I am with my husband's addiction to pornography. I had my typed journal pages with me and read them to her. I fully expected to have a melt down, but it just did not happen. I was disappointed.

I sent my therapist an email last night and expressed to her that I could not understand how I could read that, and not break down and show any kind of emotions at all. I was totally disconnected with my emotions.

I wonder if I have become so used to his addiction that I am numb to it. Or maybe I cannot take the pain of it anymore? Maybe I am blocking it out. I know that I am angry, disgusted, and feel like less than a woman because of his addiction. She wants me to continue working through this, but I don't want to talk about it anymore!!

She says, "That is the reason we need to keep pushing forward with this. You have not resolved your feelings about it. You are continuing to deny them and push them down. You cannot ignore this anymore. This is a huge part of your life. We need to get you to a place where you can deal with this in a healthy way."

When she responded to me and told me that, it was a major trigger! Anger came and joined me once again. I wanted to break things. I felt like taking dishes out in the garage and smashing them on the floor. I don't know why breaking glass feels like a good release for me, but it does.

I have also thought about looking into a shooting range. I think shooting a gun would let off alot of my anger and rage.