I've decided to go through with the surgery for my partial complex seizures. If the insurance approves it then I can possibly get the surgery in about 3 months the earliest. There is also something that has been on my mind and thats the relationship I have with my bf. We've been together for 2 yrs now. Our relationship is good and he makes me happy but our own personal problems is overwhelming us. Each of us has our own problems that had existed before we met one another. I had a discussion with him today and I can tell it was breaking him down. I told him that I know we can do everything we can to be there for one another but at this time its not about our relationship but our own separate lives and the issues. I don't know how we can truly be there for one another like the way we each deserve when our own personal problems are taking the quality of our life away. As much as I would want him to be in my life and to be there for me after the surgery but I know I need to be selfish and care for myself first and not have to worry about his issues. He's going through a custody battle for his 4 kids, child support issues, and the trouble with his employment. I'm a caring and loyal person but that can also be one of my biggest flaws because I can get too overly involved and I don't know when to walk way even when it because a burden to my own emotional well being.

I don't want to be alone after the surgery but I also know that continuing to be surrounded by his issues can also interfere and distract me from caring for my own health and what I want to do in life. Sometimes I forget what I want in my life and I just think about how to help him and others. I love him dearly but sadly enough I might have to let him go for the sake of my health. He's held me and cried and told me he doesn't want to lose me and he'll do whatever he can to get his life back together. It just breaks my heart...