hurray for surgery...that's so cool...glad you're moving forward with your life...sounds like you know what to do but are afraid to do it...don't be...you deserve to be happy in all the things you do in life...you will need every ounce of strength to get you through and your B/F sounds like a very nice guy but with baggage...the kind of baggage that can tear a person apart...you shouldn't feel guilty for wanting more out of life than what he can offer...he maybe able to fix things in his own life but why hasn't he done that...why does you're leaving him make him think anything will change...he still has 4 kids and ex-wife to deal with not to mention his employment problems...I think you should let him go now while you guys still love each other or it will turn to resentment and then to hatred...it'll hurt both of you at first but he has to deal with his own life you can not help him...you have to deal with your health and your own life...and your life is tough enough as it is...if he loves you truly he will step aside and give you your freedom...and who knows maybe you guys were meant for each other...in which case you will come together again one day...you need to give yourself the opportunity to find yourself...to become who you want to be...take care of you my friend and don't be afraid...there's strength in you I can't feel it from your words...good luck