I'm sorry you went through this. You've expressed that you know what works for you- it sounds like you're waiting for the sense of safety to start going back into treatment. Maybe don't wait- you know you want to feel better?

Above all don't give up. You have a therapist, you have a program, work it till it works and ask your therapist for some better coping tools than the cigarettes (and explain what they do for you, when you do.)