Anger is a part of the grieving process so in a way you re already beginning to do what is so hard for you to do.
For me, the idea of my T being my mother makes me cringe! awe H* no! LOL But massage T is different. She comes from a background that doesn't buy into transference. She says she feels honored to do things with/for me that I needed my mom to do and my mom couldn't. I thought for sure this was a lie so I tested it . Sure enough she came through... but you know what... it still landed me in the same place... grief.
Sucks... can't get around grieving no matter what we do.