I didn't expect so many replies. Thank you to everyone. I'll reply individually to everyone later because right now I'm crying from pain and from feeling cared about here.

Some months ago I emailed my T: If I stay in therapy forever, is it like my mother never died? We didn't discuss it at the time so I emailed it to her again last night.

I started therapy a few months after my Mom died but I didn't tell my T until about 4 months later. No, actually I came in with a list of my problems and "my mother died" was somewhere on it. I read the list to her and that was about it. I didn't talk much to her; I had no idea what therapy was supposed to be or what I was supposed to say. I don't think she even heard me say it, and that fact didn't come until all those months went by. Even then, I said it casually and my T thought I was talking about my mother-in-law. I remember her surprise and then her suggesting that maybe my depression had something to do with my Mom's death. I didn't want to go there at all!

The book my T gave me to read, though she's thinking of others for me and will tell me next time, is: Unattended Sorrow by Stephen Levine. He's got a mindfulness approach; talks about meditation. I think it's going to be good; it makes me cry. Has anyone read it?