((((((Rainbow))))))

I have just read both of your threads. I can feel the emotion in your words, and the pain. I think grief is starting to come up too. That grief may be, in part, about the disappointment that your t can't be your mom. But if you look at it a bit closer, this grief may also tie into the grief about losing your mom. What i mean is, if you are grieving that your t can't be your mom, then you are admitting that inside, you feel like you need a mom. And if you feel like you need a mom, then maybe it is because your own mom is gone. So the grief may be about both: that your t can't be your mom, and that your own mom is gone.

I think you are in a difficult, deep area of therapy right now. I know it feels bad, but it also feels good, yes? Because you are feeling the caring that your t "can" give you, and the caring that is coming to you from this community of PC. So along with the pain and sadness is also a measure of comfort.

I can so closely relate to what you're going through in wanting your t to be your mom. I feel the exact same way. It's just that in my case, my mom is still alive. I'm grieving not having had a mom that could love and protect me in the way i needed her to. So I am not grieving something that i lost, but something that i never had.

Rainbow, you are in my thoughts so often as we travel this therapy path. I'm sorry that therapy has to be so painful at times. But you are growing so much. I believe all the effort and pain are going to be worth it in the end.

Big hugs to you!