BIG hugs to you !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wow - what a session you had!

What I wanted to share is that I do understand about how hard it is to have body memories and doubt them... and then have to face your abuser... all while dealing with DID. If you read some of my past posts, I sense you will see yourself in many of them.

What I want to offer you is what my T offered me... "That kind of pain is not faked. It is not something someone just dreams up. It is very real and has a real source."

You will doubt the memories and the flashbacks. You will doubt yourself. But all of that is a vital part of the healing. It was denial that allowed you to stay alive inside yourself as a child. Just allow that to be what it is. At the same time, trust what your T tells you. I had to ask my T about a hundred times if I was making it up or my mind was playing tricks on me - all of those questions. In fact, the reason I ended up with the T I have is because I wanted to go to a T who was a certified psychological examiner. I wanted someone who would know how to read my mind even if I didn't.

Your T knows what to look for in these things. Your T knows you are being honest. The experiences you have with needing to dissociate and being hidden are all valid. You CAN NOT fake what you are going through right now. My T told me that some people have tried and it is "obvious" ... There is a difference that they know how to spot because of their training and experience. I hope that lets you find a little more comfort because that helped me when I was at that stage of healing.

More hugs to you! You are doing this. You are healing. And there IS hope and light at the end of trauma healing. Latch onto your T with both hands and keep being honest. Your T will be there for you.