thank you for the supportive responses. really, it feels so good to share this with you all.

I just want to clarify that I don't have DID...I don't say that out of any judgment or anything. Just to clarify my story. I do have PTSD and have dissociated like that a few times in therapy. It's like I'm half there? The best I can describe is like being underwater or under a thin blanket or gauze. I'm aware of where I am. When T says "can you feel your feet?" I can feel my feet, but I can't necessarily move them right away.

Thanks for saying this kind of pain can't be faked. That is helpful to hear. I was told SO SO many times growing up that I was making things up or "exaggerating" whenever I'd complain the tiniest bit about what was done to me.

I'm glad I'm not alone in the self-doubt either.