Well I'm very sorry you're going through this.

How was it when you were separated? Were you miserable without each other or was it better?

If you're still angry about her affair, then you're going to need to get past that before the relationship will work. Maybe you 2 need a different marriage counselor if you don't like the one you've been seeing. did you 2 have a good relationship before the affair? did your wife think you did - maybe not - Obviously I don't know but everybody sees things differently.

i definitely know that pushing things under the rug is not a good way to move through a relationship - it just causes built up tension. you both need to find a safe place to talk about how you feel and if the relationship is going to work it is going to take work from both of you.

Think about whether you want this to work and can you trust her - I would imagine it will take a long time to do so - is she worth it to you? Was what you had before worth working for again? If it is, then fight for it.