Really great thread, MUE. I'm glad that you put this out there. I wish that I understood myself better in terms of this... As I was reading through what others have written, I realized that I don't have any clear understanding of why T's other clients bother me so much. It would make perfect sense if, growing up, I had been treated as less than my siblings, but actually we were all treated equally crappy, so that's not it!!

I think that what you said probably hits closest to home for me.... "it brings awareness of the reality that this closeness is a service that he's providing, that he's trained to provide, and it's difficult to swallow the imbalance." This is definitely hard for me.

I also just have an overwhelming desire to be *special* to T. I do not want to be just another patient, just another file folder in the drawer...and this is really, really big for me. Interestingly, my sister also sees my T and I have NO problems or jealousy regarding this. Maybe this is because I view him as a father figure and I am used to sharing my father with her???? I don't know.

I'm sure that it somehow goes back to my desire to be recognized and adored in that way only a parent can offer......

As I am thinking about this now, I realize that maybe it is about the anonymity too....like, my sister's relationship with him doesn't threaten me because I know her and I know her issues and what I'm *competing* with (I know that sounds so bad, but can't think of a better word). With all of the other patients, they are just these faceless nameless people that *could* be way more like-able, with bigger more important problems than me. Maybe this could be it???

This is a tricky one.....but very interesting and good to know I am not alone.