Malachite, what is your definition of "clean and orderly?" Everyone has a different definition of clean. I want to ask a personal question: have you ever been sexually abused? physical abuse?

The only reason I ask is because I was, and a way I coped was to be a NEAT FREAK. There could be nothing out of place and if it was, there was hell to pay. Everyone was miserable around me, the kids, wife, and ME. I think you will have to learn to compromise, it cant be all about you and your wants and needs. Now if she flat out wont clean that is another issue. You cant control her, force her, so then what? either do it yourself or get a maid.