12 year marriage. Stopped communicating about feelings. We are raising kids going through the motions. I have "emotional affair" for a few months, decide to end it. About same time I suspect wife is doing same thing. She denies it, I start to unravel because I know something is wrong and can't put my finger on it. I go to extremes and snoop. I find out she is doing the same thing. She admits. But seems mad at me for snooping. We are going to a counselor in 1 week. She said she cut things off from other man. (I still have my snooping stuff in place and I think this is true.) Tonight she seems like she is sad and misses him. I understand this but it hurts me.

I have a desire to save the marriage. I do love her and I am not that mad about her affair. I know how easy it is when the person at home is ignoring you. I did it too.

I have doubts about her willingness to be open and work with a counselor, she has previous bad experience and she seems cold and withdrawn.

Granted all this happened in the last 3-5 days, I may be expecting too much too soon. I want to fix things right now or know they can't be fixed to move on.

What do you suggest I do on a daily basis? How should I prepare for counseling. Can I do anything to help her while there? What can I do to build her trust in me and how do I build trust in her?

I'm trying to keep things happy and pleasant as best I can and it was most of today but she was grumpy and snapped at me and we had a minor arguement tonight. I admit I'm feeling fragile and take the littlest things to their worst extremes.

Any journaling methods that may help me survive these next few weeks? Any tactics on how to function during times like this?