I hardly ever saw my former T's other clients due to her scheduling I suppose. For most of this year, my T never had anyone after me but lately she has so she has to end on time. She used to let me go over the time. So, I resent that I can no longer have a little "extra".

I've also seen clients leaving but that doesn't bother me so much. It was this week that it bothered me when she said "Hi" to the client in the waiting room, and I got very jealous because I don't want her talking the way she talks to me, to someone else! I know that's childish but it's the way I feel. I haven't had to think about her other clients but now I do. I don't want there to be any. I just want her all to myself!!

I didn't like when she once said, as a means to reassure me that it was okay to talk about death, "I do this all day". I felt really bad about her saying that and I told her. She understood, but the truth is she does do it all day. It's her job.

I want to forget that it's my T's job. I know I'm not "just" her job and she thinks about me a lot and she likes me. Still, I pay her to do that. I hate that fact. Seeing other clients just rubs it in. Oh, the agony and ecstasy of therapy.....