Thank you once again for sharing....and sharing so beautifully and honestly.
My T and I often talk about boundaries.....I have told her how much I hate boundaries, too. Not that I don't respect her boundaries and understand the reason for them, but I just simply hate boundaries.....I like my own, I have my own boundaries which I guard fiercely, and yet I do not like boundaries not within my control. I wish I had the liberty to freely express my love for my T, because I do love her, more than I can even tell her.....and it's joy and sorrow interwoven, joy because I feel blessed to have and to feel such love and yet sorrow in the loss and longing and the knowing that in no way can she meet the depth of my love.
I guess it's the intensity of my love and the power of it that makes me feel so swallowed up by it......and a fear of loving that much too, a fear of being so attached and needy and dependent. Doesn't feel safe to love so much.....though to love my children that much, yes. I don't have the same fear of them hurting me or rejecting my love....they are little, and their love so innocent, so fresh, and their need of love and their expression of it so honest and so healing. I grieve for the loss of that in my childhood.....a loss that makes it hard for me to accept that I am loved or feel like it's safe to be loved or to love.
So I do so understand your feelings, your words are so real to me, inbloom!
One thing I'm seeing though, is that the boundaries ARE what makes it safe to love and love so deeply.....though boundaries/limits may hurt, yet they are also healing.