{{{{{So*it*Goes}}}}}

With so much happening in your life that's hurting you,do you stop and consider yourself?You need to wonder what you need.What will make you feel good and be kind to you in your self talk and in your action.Meeting your needs.
At some point you need to step back,and ask yourself..."How can I reduce the things which contribute to my anxiety or overly assuming responsibility for others,so as to minimize the amount of stress and negative input which fills my head?"
You are a caretaker.Those who are making unhealthy decisions for themselves,ultimately need to draw the lines for themselves,as no amount of your worry will ever alter the decisions of others.You can offer a hug.You can lend an ear.You can offer advice.But,you cannot be responsible for the action or inaction that others choose or fail to choose.
I understand your fear of living alone.I think that if you can focus some energy on creating inserts of activities,such as art,outings,responsibilities,visiting nice places regularily...maybe library,museum,community events,art showings.....as well as practice some sort of schedualed meditation 10 min in a day 1 or 2 x a day....a time where you "have to" watch a comedy...or something which makes you smile /laugh....even if 30 minutes a day......a brisk 5 or 10 minute walk or exercise,maybe even a limited amount of W.O.W lol....Just some ideas...but if some of these things are well placed in a loose timeline on a daily or otherwise format...(but regular)You will break some of the monotony,and lessen the opportunity to have the mind take over as much.
Those family and friends were/are better off for having had you in their lives.I don't mean to say that you have to feel superior or insinuate that you had been a perfect human at all times in their lives...because no one can be...but your posts indicate your heart.
Can you really,truly believe that the involvement you have in your daughters life is of no consequence? I have to strongly disagree.There are factors involved outside your ability to effect.You know that.You need perspective.
If your heart tells you that you need to catch your breath...shut down...curl into a ball,and withdraw from things...then you need to allow the space for that.
You can't fix people.It isn't your job,nor is it in your power.You can support to a degree that doesn't rob you of your peace...then let go.
Is this all there is to life?I think we ask ourselves that question when life has hit a wall...and tend to lose sight of what there really is ...good in life.Like your impact on others...nature....events of a community sort....discovery....art......learning....etc.Remind you of those.That's a short list.
Breathe.....You ARE strong.Just not herculean.No one is.We are limited...sometimes there's only so much you can do...and it has to be enough.
~W~