Not completely--we are here to say we've been there. I was suicidal several times in my life and quite recently too. I was able to work through it and am happy for that now. Do reach out to a crisis hotline if you feel really bad and at your wit's end. Or write to us again here. Send me a private PM if you want, if this is too public and I promise I'll answer. You can say anything you want to me and I will listen. I'm sure there are many others here who feel the same way. We all pull for each other to feel better in this community. There is always someone who is a little stronger at the moment who can lend a sympathetic ear and say, "I really do care about you and want you to be well." Sending you some hugs.