Heidu: Thank you so much...you have no idea how nice it is just to hear someone say that I am a "good decent woman" I know this is the right thing to do, I really do, I think deep down I've known it for a long time but just didn't want to face it. When it comes down to it he doesn't think that there is anything wrong with his behavior...he thinks it's perfectly OK to call your wife a C%$T, or destroy furniture, or lock yourself in a room telling eveyone that your going to kill yourself...he really, truly thinks its a perfectly normal way to act in argument and until he admits to himself that it is not no one can help him...when he rages he tells me it wouldn't happen if I didn't push him and in a practical way he's right I guess...I can see when he's holding his control by a thin thread and I have at times pushed him over that edge during an argument...but I think he needs to learn why he flys off the handle so easily in the first place, why he has such explosive anger...we've had such a dysfunctional relationship all around and I think when it comes down to it we are just not GOOD for each other. I don't want to place blame...I'm not perfect...I have my own issues to deal with my own lack of patience and stubborness and low self esteem and we just need to work these things out separately now, we are simply not capable at this point in our lives to be the support network that the other needs, he for his reasons and me simply because I am just not in love with him, I love him as he is the father of my child and I will always care for his well being (I really do hope he gets better) but I don't think he really loves himself right now (and our relationship has just made things worse for him in a way, I know that and it hurts me because I want to fix it but I can't and ultimately he needs to be responsible for his own well being no one else) I don't want my son to grow up thinking his behavior is "normal" I want to be with someone that I connect with, that will build a happy home with me and my son and quite frankly I have FAITH now that it really is out because of this encounter with my friend....